something therapeutic

oh but if it was swine flu…

kfrayz — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 06:38:48 +0000

I received the call from my PCP’s office today, “here is the referral for the specialist”.

I of course called right away…only to be met with…a very long wait for an appointment…February…WTF.

That’s cool…I am not ruminating at all over this lump…nope not me…cool as a cucumber…

Ummm. For the record…If I had… oh I don’t know…SWINE HOG PIG BIRD FLU…A.K.A the common cold…you know I would get immediate medical attention, {quarantine style} right?

Just Sayin.

confession

kfrayz — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 07:32:10 +0000

today was scary. grown up stuff scary. i’m not ready to be this grown up.

run baby run

kfrayz — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 19:00:54 +0000

In ~ six months I will be the modified version of me: a.k.a…me, v.3o.o

In keeping with tradition, I would like to celebrate with something more monumental than cake. {see previous years birthday accomplishments: hiking the Grand rim to rim, being accepted into Graduate school, you get the idea?}

This year I had the idea to run the Boston Marathon. { although it falls one month before my 30th, it would probably take me a full month to recover}.

Training has not gone as planned.

It’s too late to qualify. I can run with a charity, however I admit, I am not feeling up to training AND raising the minimum $3600 to score the coveted BAA #.

I know… I know….what a jerk… I just don’t have the drive {my apologies to the kiddies with cancer}.

The past few weeks I have considered the marathon option again. I still think six months may be enough time to train, for something along 26.2 mile range. I find the idea of the VT marathon appealing, charming, doesn’t require fundraising, AND to boot it is the week of my birthday! KISMET!

morning musical therapy

kfrayz — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 13:43:32 +0000

there is no better remedy for waking with an emotional hang over than

music

always ask the important question{s}

kfrayz — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 20:23:36 +0000

the advice: when you meet them you just know, it’s simple.

{but how?}

by asking yourself these two questions:

if you had to picture your life without them…could you? {no}

is this person your best friend?…{yes}

Too bad the most important question of all was left out…

are they in love with someone else?…{yes}

“when this puzzles figured out…will YOU still be around?”

kfrayz — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 02:10:07 +0000

ATTENTION: this post was “riskfully written”

perception {only read that definition if you have no preconceived notion}

In last nights slumber, those who I “perceived” ever to have left or abandoned me…{excluding the big gun of abandonment: pater familias} were ever present.

Tossing and turning, I keep waking from these dreams, opening my eyes, with a heavy heat, and even heavier heart. Choking, drowning on my perception, I was lost between reality and the subconscious.

Reunification with these faces caused a mixture of emotion to wash over me. Elation of course, only to be quickly replaced with sorrow. Memories of the paths we had taken together, replayed in my slumbering subconscious…only to be awakened, abandoned again….or of course this is my “perception”.

They are all still there. I want to leave them where I perceive them to belong. As memories; the past.

I perceive this means of subconscious communication as no accident.

I know I think a lot {others perception: too much} at night about what I perceive to weigh heavy on my mind. At the moment what weighs heavy on my mind is great fear…a great fear of myself. Am I strong enough now to risk a potential abandonment again?

More importantly: why do I perceive all others as potential risks.

Keeping others away is getting tiresome, and perhaps I am getting too “old for it”. I am not a fan of letting things pass me by, and somehow I fear lots of things are now.

So anyhow, I guess I just want to know…”when this puzzles figured out…will you still be around”?